Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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