Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
