she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do vagina's smell?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
