Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
