Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
