please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
