you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize