i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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