Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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