At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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