pop tarts are not kleenex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
