About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
