Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
