Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
