ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
