How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
