he wants to bone in the snuggie
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
