sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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