so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
