where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
