Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
