ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
