the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
