I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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