No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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