At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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