so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
