I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
