omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
