Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
