Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
