We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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