I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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