We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
