all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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