Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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