New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
