I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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