A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
