my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need to calm my uterus...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
