hotel room ftw
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you. Go after that dick
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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