Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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