the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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