dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
