The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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