i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
