I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize