Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
