i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love having hate sex.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
