It's Friday. Sex?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
