you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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