Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
