I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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