I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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