I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
