Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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