I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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