We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
