drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
