Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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