Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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