So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
