Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
