I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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