Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
