he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
two words...techno handjob
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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