Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
