Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
