i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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