Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
