So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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